Friday, May 20, 2005
An interesting event that happened in my city(Dae-jon Expo festival)
I introduce Expo that happened in Dae-jon. Korea.
This event happens once in every 4 years in the world.
We see so many things in this event such as technology abilities, world wide cultural treasures, and play places (like Disneyland).
For example, world wide cultural treasures show display Egypt, Japan, Korea, France, England, and so many countries' treasures.
This event changes a location many cities in the world once every 4 years.
So many people from all over the world came to this event.
And many world wide(put hyphen between world and wide) singers came to this event.
This event place nears my house.
I went to this event places so many times.
And I support this event’s supporter. (What does this mean?)
And I took part in Expo’s soccer game, cycle marathon game. (It isn't good to begin sentences with and)
'koomdori' is a symble in Expo.
This symble in Expo is a very famous in this festival.
This place(verb)near the kumkang river is a beautiful.
A fish under the river is called "koomdori fish". ( This doesn't hold together as a paragraph very well. Try to tie it t ogether with some more conjuctions and prepositions.Can you find another word for event?)
Second draft
I introduce Expo that happened in Dae-jon. Korea.This event happens once in every 4 years in the world.We see so many things in this event such(I think you should use a comma here.) as technology abilities, world wide cultural treasures, and play places (like Disneyland).For example, world wide cultural treasures show display Egypt, Japan, Korea, France, England, and so many countries' treasures.This event changes a location many cities in the world once every 4 years.So many people from all over the world came to this event.And many world-wide singers came to this event.Because this event(you could use a pronoun here to avoid repetition) took place near my house, I went so many times, and I was this event’s supporter.I took part in Expo’s soccer game,(use the conjunction and here instead of a comma because you only have 2 things) cycle marathon game. 'Koomdori' is a symbol in Expo.This symbol in Expo is very famous in this festival.This place is (not needed)near the Kumkang river is beautiful.A fish under the river is called "Koomdori fish".
This event happens once in every 4 years in the world.
We see so many things in this event such as technology abilities, world wide cultural treasures, and play places (like Disneyland).
For example, world wide cultural treasures show display Egypt, Japan, Korea, France, England, and so many countries' treasures.
This event changes a location many cities in the world once every 4 years.
So many people from all over the world came to this event.
And many world wide(put hyphen between world and wide) singers came to this event.
This event place nears my house.
I went to this event places so many times.
And I support this event’s supporter. (What does this mean?)
And I took part in Expo’s soccer game, cycle marathon game. (It isn't good to begin sentences with and)
'koomdori' is a symble in Expo.
This symble in Expo is a very famous in this festival.
This place(verb)near the kumkang river is a beautiful.
A fish under the river is called "koomdori fish". ( This doesn't hold together as a paragraph very well. Try to tie it t ogether with some more conjuctions and prepositions.Can you find another word for event?)
Second draft
I introduce Expo that happened in Dae-jon. Korea.This event happens once in every 4 years in the world.We see so many things in this event such(I think you should use a comma here.) as technology abilities, world wide cultural treasures, and play places (like Disneyland).For example, world wide cultural treasures show display Egypt, Japan, Korea, France, England, and so many countries' treasures.This event changes a location many cities in the world once every 4 years.So many people from all over the world came to this event.And many world-wide singers came to this event.Because this event(you could use a pronoun here to avoid repetition) took place near my house, I went so many times, and I was this event’s supporter.I took part in Expo’s soccer game,(use the conjunction and here instead of a comma because you only have 2 things) cycle marathon game. 'Koomdori' is a symbol in Expo.This symbol in Expo is very famous in this festival.This place is (not needed)near the Kumkang river is beautiful.A fish under the river is called "Koomdori fish".
# posted by Anonymous @ 7:52 AM 
